Ledlow searches for infallible Scriptures

My good friend John Lyle Ledlow would like to apologize for his recent use of a certain word that some people found offensive.

He said he can’t promise that he will never use such language again, but if it shows up in print, he will do like Balaam in the Old Testament and “smote” my you-know-what.

He has no problem, however, if I occasionally pass along his cultural observations as long as I clean them up.

Ledlow is convinced, for example, that there is a rogue version of the Bible running around loose in the South. He claims it went to print without much theological input.

He came to this conclusion while his Sunday school teacher was making an impassioned point.

“The Bible says ‘hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,’ ” the teacher said.

After the lesson, Ledlow quietly pulled her aside.

“I believe,” Ledlow said in his superior tone, “you are quoting William Shakespeare rather than the King James Version.”

His teacher was not amused by this attack on the infallible Scriptures.

Then Ledlow was walking through the Wal-Mart when he overheard a group of women in the dairy section talking about the upcoming presidential election.

One of the women said she was voting for John McCain. She admitted that she was doing so without much enthusiasm.

“But you know what the Bible says,” she added. “Choose the lesser of three evils.”

Ledlow went straight home and searched the Bible with no luck.

“Wrong version, I guess,” he said.

He also tried to figure out how to choose the lesser of three evils when there may be up to six evils on the presidential ballot.

He received spiritual guidance on this matter, however, during a recent church service.

Ledlow learned that our savior is a white Republican in a navy blue suit.

“It’s right there in the Bible,” he said. “If you have the right version.”

Scott Morris is managing editor.