To: Bernie Sanders, U.S. presidential candidate

Dear Comrade,

I salute you “Crazy” Bernie (you aren’t really crazy are you?). Anyway, with all the free everything you campaign on — by the way, I don’t want to come across as a freeloader — can you spare about a million dollars or so? I sure could use the money.

I realize how hard you have worked these years as a public “sir”-vant — Comrade Bernie don’t be offended by “worked,” I know what you mean. Make the million or so direct deposit to my checking account. Can you deposit it ASAP?

Bernie, us old folks have got to stick it to us — I mean stick together — all the free everything.

Old Sleepy Joe Biden, he doesn’t get it. Why would he pretend to have his son Hunter work when you offer free everything? I believe you can find my checking account number without much difficulty.

Maybe Biden can use your ideas or make you his vice president. He doesn’t seem to have a platform if he could just get off Trump — you both have that in common. At least you have a platform — free everything.

Bernie, I understand both platforms of hating Trump. Sounds like a winner. Please mail the million or so to me. However, should you decide to enclose it in a letter to me, asking for my vote, I don’t want you to think of it as buying my vote. I won’t tell anyone. We both have our secrets, don’t we? I just never cared to visit Cuba or Russia.

“Comrade” Mike Hampton

Decatur

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